Kinky Explanations

“What?” I glared murderously at the gelatinous face. “That’s the monster that was trying to kill me! That’s the monster that’s killing Jamal!”

Kink grabbed me as I lunged forward, easily holding me in place. “That’s not it anymore. That person is not this one. You will not help Jamal by attacking this person.”

I glared at her. “That thing is a monster! It enslaved the Xian! It tried to enslave me! It was trying to kill me! It’s killing Jamal!”

“That was more than 4000 years ago, Frank,” Kink replied. “A lot has changed. You need to understand that.”

“He wanted to enslave the galaxy!” I yelled. “You don’t just change from that!”

Kink replied, “No, but sometimes you don’t have a choice. We’ve been through 3000 years of Freyja. You don’t understand what it was like, what we’ve been through. Everything is different now. Like many others, the Origin was captured by Freyja and had his genetic structure altered. She neutered him, Frank.”

“Neutered?” I glared at the green form. “How so?”

“He can’t infect anyone anymore, for one. Look at him, Frank. That thing I saved you from was massive. Look how tiny he is. I mean, come on, he has to wear a containment suit!”

“I don’t care,” I declared. “I don’t care what it is now. All I care about is what it was doing when you abducted me.”

“Abducted?” Kink gasped. “Come on, Frank. Let’s be serious here. I saved you, but more importantly we need you. There is real danger here. Not like your thing. This is important. Dire, even. Your thing can wait. Trust me.”

I looked around at her assembly of strange creatures. “Look at what you have here. Why would you need me?”

“Because you’re a hero, Frank. And that’s what we need, a hero.”

“A hero?” I almost laughed. “You abducted me to be a hero? Am I supposed to believe you would do something noble?”

Kink looked hurt. Or she pretended to. “Sometimes there are things worth fighting for. Even for me, Frank.”

“You? What would you fight for?” I asked.

“The same thing you would fight for, Frank.” She was being coy. It made me suspicious. She was trying to play me. She was always trying to play me.

“And what would that be?” I asked.

She looked at me without her usual bravado and said, “Our kids, Frank. I’m trying to save our kids.”

For a few seconds, I was stunned. Literally unable to move. She couldn’t be serious…could she? “Kids? What do you mean ‘our’ kids?”

Kink stared at me with almost pity. “Our kids, Frank,” she said. “Mine and yours. Ours. They’re in danger.”

I just shook my head angrily. No. This was not a funny joke. I was not going to let her do this. I was so furious that she would say such a thing. “We don’t have kids! You and me, we never got together! It never happened!”

“Sure, it hasn’t happened yet in YOUR timeline,” Kink replied, “but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happen in mine, Frank.”

“What does that mean?”

“Time travel. That’s what it means, Frank. Not all my visits happen in order.”

“I don’t believe you!” I told her, turning away. I couldn’t stand looking at her. Shame there wasn’t much else to look. “I don’t believe you!”

“Fine, Frank,” Kink sighed. “Don’t believe me. Let our children die.”

I glared at the containment suit. How could she do this to me? Bring me here with that thing! Only God knows what horror it had rout upon the universe. I didn’t even know what it was doing to Jamal! “Stop trying to manipulate me!” I yelled, having just about enough.

“Ok,” she said, “don’t worry about our kids. What about everyone else? Do you believe in them?”

“I don’t believe a word you say.” I took a deep breath. Yelling at her was getting me nowhere. There was five of them and only one of me. Escape was not an option. I was trapped into the future. Kink had me by the balls and she liked it. I needed to get this charade over as soon as possible. “But clearly I have no choice, so why don’t you tell me what we have to do so we can do it.”

Kink smiled. “Finally, you’re seeing reason, Franky. I’m so glad. We need you thinking and focused if we want to save our kids.”

“Stop lying to me,” I told her. “Stop pretending we have kids. It’s not working. I don’t know why you would make something like that up, but I want you to stop. Just tell me what the problem is so we can deal with it.”

“Invaders, Franky. We’re trying to stop them. We have to stop them.”

“Invaders? Invading who? Invading what?”

“Our universe. They’re invading our universe, Franky. And we have to stop them.”

“Invading our universe? As in something from outside our universe is trying to get in?”

“What is so difficult to understand about that?” Gra, the crimson rock monster, asked. Until this point, the others had remained quiet. “Did you think our universe was the only one? Had it never occured to you that there was more out there than just our universe?”

“Outside our universe, like outside of existence?” I posed. “Or outside our universe like from another universe? Or from another dimension?”

“Does it matter?” Kink asked. “They’re from out there and they’re trying to get in here. They’re wiping people out, Frank.”

“Wiping people out?” I asked.

“Wiping them out,” Gra explained. “Erasing them from existence.”

“And you’re the ones that are going to stop them?”

Kink smiled sweetly at me. “That’s why we got you, Franky.”

I laughed in her face. “What do you expect me to do about it? I’m just a man from the early 21st century. I have nothing. No friends, no resources, no special abilities, nothing.”

Kink did not appreciate my pessimism. “No, Frank. You have us.”

“That’s enough of that,” Pahf said, impatiently. “The universe is dying and we’re stuck here convincing this primate to help us?”

“We agreed we needed him,” Kink replied.

“No,” the Origin said, “You wanted him. We just didn’t disagree.”

“That is enough talking,” Pahf intoned. “If this primate doesn’t want to help, then so be it. Off we must go. Open the portal, Kink.”

Kink looked around at her compatriots. I got the impression that they weren’t the united front they had tried to present. I also realized maybe Kink wasn’t as in charge as she had wanted me to think. “Ok,” she said. “You want a portal. I’ll give you a portal.”

Kink put out her orange cone of secrecy, then clicked the jewel on her wrist. A bright light shot from her hand and the wall flashed. A whirlpool of light and color swirled before us. “There’s your portal. A direct line to trouble. Who wants to go first?”

Pahf didn’t hesitate. It just flew right through the portal, followed by Gra. The Origin glared at me then Kink before joining them. Grow also made his way (their way?), but he was slower. The Squirrelturtle it rode was not very fast. “Where does this lead?” I asked.

Kink smiled at me. “To fun, Franky. To fun and trouble. But mostly trouble. Come on!”

to be continued…

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